Ladybug Farm

I'm moving!

2007-01-31T17:38:00.000-04:00

I have (finally) with Kim's help (lots and lots) set up my new blog site:

www.ladybugfarm.wordpress.com

So ladybugfarm.blogspot.com will no longer be operational.
I am going in tonight to write my first blog....I am so excited. I will probably be doing some adjusting to it over the next little bit so don't be alarmed if you see a different set up or color scheme everytime you tune in.

See you in the new site......

Merry Christmas!!

2006-12-19T16:59:00.000-04:00

I think I may have found my "blogging problem". I updated my blog to google so the normal things I used to do don't seem to work anymore. I can text but I don't seem to be able to load any photos or write a blog in picassa which is a real pain. I may have to switch to another blog site but I'll keep you updated if I do. Quite frankly I just don't have time right now to play around with it. Between going in and out of the city every day and getting ready for Christmas I don't seem to have a spare moment.

I have completed 4 1/2 weeks of radiation and have 8 more sessions to go...Yippee! This takes me up to January 3 0r 4 with the holidays. They are really pleased with my lack of side effects and how my skin is reacting. God is good!!! They gave me some hydrocortizone cream today to help with the itching from the burn but other than that things are going great. The only thing I have noticed is when I get tired I don't seem to have that second wind to keep going. My energy level is good but there are times when I hit the wall. All this I can live with. It truly is a walk in the park after the chemo treatments.

Looking back on the year it all just seems a little surreal. Did all this really happen to me? I walked into the NS Cancer Clinic the other day, just like I have all year long, and thought how weird it was...what am I doing here? I look around at all the "sick" people and think I don't belong here. Its sometimes still hard to put my name and cancer together in the same sentence. That may sound strange to you guys. You would think after all these months I'd have a grip by now but there are times when this just doesn't seem real or possible to me. I'm also starting to feel better, you know, physically more like myself, so some days it is even harder to fathom.

I have to thank my good friends Leanne, Beth, Vicki Lynn, Nancy and the ladies from Temple Baptist Church. Leanne delivered two large coolers of meals and my freezer is filled to overflowing. It has been put to good use during the radiation treatments. Before I leave in the morning I take a meal out to thaw and by the time Randy and the boys get home all they have to do is pop it in the oven. Every meal have been delicious and much appreciated.

Several women from Weston, my home church have brought me some Christmas baking. Mary Kaiser gave me a LARGE box of squares and treats and Ruth Henshaw made a beautiful cranberry cake. There have been so many over the months that have dropped off cookies and meals...Esther, Charmin, Shannon, Courtney, Kim, Lisa, Tammy.....I hate naming names because I know I will forget someone. Just know how much it was appreciated. I know how busy these women are with their own families and it just amazes me that they take the time to do this for us.

Well, the trees are up and the house is decorated, the presents are bought and wrapped, the cards are done and sent...I think I'm ready for Christmas. I LOVE this time of year. I love the process of getting ready as much as the actual day. I am getting more excited every day. Andrew came home from school today and told me he and his friend were talking about Santa and Andrew told him what Christmas was really all about...Jesus' birthday. I am so proud of that kid.

2006-12-12T19:32:00.000-04:00

testing!

Please stay posted!!!

2006-12-04T09:31:00.000-04:00

I hope this posts! I have been having a terrible time with my blog. For 5 days, everytime I logged in all I got was a blank red screen. Finally, my blog came up so I posted a big long blog with photos. It was there that night but the next morning had disappeared. So I did another one. That disappeared. It is so frustrating. So to all of you that have emailed me, I am not ignoring you, I just can't blog. I am not going to type too long in case this doesn't post either.

All is well here. Busy, Busy, Busy!!! I am travelling in and out of the city so the days are just a blur. The radiation is going great so far, no problems or serious side effects. I am staying at Moms tonight because my appointment is at 8 in the morning but if this blog stays I'll post another one with photos on Tuesday.

Oh happy day to me!!!

2006-11-22T23:04:00.000-04:00

What a great day it was! The boys brought me breakfast in bed as I was getting up although Andrew was somehwhat upset because I wouldn't get back in bed. My husband gave me a diamond circle necklace and a beautiful card that made me cry. The opening verse said "To the woman I would marry all over again"! Well, you know, having gone through what we have in the past year and me not looking my best...well, sob, he just couldn't have said anything nicer. Plus lots of gifts and well wishes from family and friends. The day couldn't have been any better. (Kim, I love my platter and candles and the "spit tune" will get lots of use Kelsey).

These pictures are of my good friends and scrapbooking and room sharing buddies, Beth, Leanne and Vicki Lynn. The scrapbooking retreat at the Old Orchard Inn was great. It just keeps getting better and better. I got lots of pages done and had some R&R with the girls.

They are kissing my semi-bald head in the top photo in the hopes that the hair will grow in faster!?! They did keep mentioning how it seemed to be longer every time they looked at me! We did alot of laughing and crying (Beth) that weekend. It was very therapuetic. These are also the friends, who along with some family members, made us a freezer full of meals and treats during my chemo treatments. I just love you guys!! Thanks for a great time.

A friend at the retreat told me that her good friend was just diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. This is rare and very, very nasty. She is 33 years old with a 3 month old baby. She and her doctor thought it was mastitis from breastfeeding but when it wouldn't clear up she was sent to a specialist. Whenever we think our load is too heavy, we are reminded that there is always someone whose load is heavier. She has a long road ahead of her and needless to say, she and her family need our prayers.

So far the radiation treatments are going well. They are much like a x-ray..no pain and you are in and out within 10-15 minutes. My radiation oncologist, Dr. Maueen Nolan, is the total opposite of my Medical Oncologist...she is funny and sweet and I can talk to her about anything. Everyone of the radiation techs have been really nice so it tends to make it a more enjoyable experience. Sara and I are heading into the city tomorrow. I have a radiation appointment at 3:00 and then we are going to stay overnight at Mom and Dad's. After my appointment Friday morning we will head back home for the weekend.

We're Back!

2006-11-21T22:39:00.000-04:00

Just a quick note to let everyone know we are back home. The scrapbook weekend was fantastic and our trip to Pennsylvania was wonderful, just what I needed!!! I have so many stories to tell and photos to share!!

I started radiation yesterday and it is a breeze after the chemo (I hope I don't live to regret those words!!). It takes at the most 15 minutes! I am just getting tired of the drive into the city everyday and its only day 2!

I am off to bed as I have to be in the city early to have my portocath flushed before my radiation treatment. I'll post again tomorrow night.

2006-11-08T09:31:00.000-04:00

To Cheryl, Mallorie, Lisa, Charmin, Sarah, Erin, Shannon, Annette, Esther and Kim,

When I scrapbook I always put a little piece of myself into it. My creativity, emotion and most times, love. Many times I agonize over a page to get it just right. Some pages cost me a ton of money in supplies.
Others are so simple yet are right from the heart.

So when you girls gave me the album last night I was overwhelmed because I know the investment you put into it...the time and love.
How do you say thank you for that?

Every page is different and personal and is a reflection of that person and I LOVE that. After I got home last night, I had to reread the journaling and look at each page over and over because my eyes were swimming in tears. It is simply beautiful and means more than I can put into words. I feel so blessed to know women like you and am honored to be called your friend.

Cancer can take so much from you. I've never felt that because I keep being blessed and blessed. I have been give so much and to me, this album is a symbol of the cancer...of what it CAN'T take from you!

So thank you....for your gift of love.

Gone....

2006-11-07T09:31:00.000-04:00

My posting about my ipod is gone!! I don't quite know what happened but Kim emailed me saying she was going to leave a comment but it had disappeared.

I am loading my (or should I say Randy's) ipod with songs to listen to during my radiation treatments. So if you have a song or two or three that you like please send me the title and name of the artist and I will track it down on the internet. It will be kind of neat to see the mix of music and I'll think of each one of you when I hear the song.

Thanks for your help.

My Mom

2006-11-03T21:14:00.000-04:00

My Mom would kill me if she knew I was using this picture of her or any picture for that matter but they don't have the internet so she won't know, tee hee.
It can't be easy knowing your child has cancer and there is nothing you can do to fix it. I can't even imagine the scenario with my own children. Yet my Mom has been amazing. Despite the fact that we deal with things differently, she is more emotional and I am more matter of fact, she has been there for me from the very beginning.

Mom and Dad live a hour away yet she jumps in the car and drives down in a moments notice. Despite having Dad to look after, she takes the kids for days on end. She comes down and looks after our whole house. She has everyone she knows praying and sending well wishes. She is always leaving me little notes or sending me cards.

It doesn't seem fair to single Mom out to thank when so many others have helped in so many ways. My brother, Derek and his wife, Kim have taken the kids for the weekend many times and made delicious meals. Randy's Mom has helped out with the kids and cleaned my whole house, even scrubbing my kitchen floor!! I can't even begin to list the friends who have sent gifts and meals and treats.

But there is nothing like having your Mom there to hold your hand.
Thanks Mom for everything.

(Looking at that picture....I really miss my hair!!)

Ode to the Willow tree

2006-11-02T15:15:00.000-04:00

The morning after the first big wind storm we awoke to the loss of our big Willow tree. This was one of my favorite trees and it just seems so sad to see it lying there like that. Its amazing to think the wind could just snap it right in half like that. We are lucky that it fell in the direction it did. If it had fallen in the other direction it would have landed in the horse paddock and taken a good section of fence with it. The boys have been busy and have most of the branches cut off it and they still have all their fingers.

I love Fall!!

2006-11-02T15:03:00.000-04:00

We had a photo op on Saturday to take advantage of the beautiful fall leaves. The kids had a great time raking all the leaves into a pile and hiding in them. I had to pretend to be surprised everytime they jumped out.

Since then the wind has blown almost all of them away.

I've come a long way

2006-10-30T21:54:00.000-04:00

Most of you remember our addition this summer, Andrew's pet snake. He is very much alive and doing quite well. He has had three sheddings and grown several inches. The boys are always bringing new snake books home from the library. They are learning so much and he keeps them fascinated by everything he does.

This is all good. Now for the bad.

He eats once or twice a week...a small baby mouse called a pinkie! The feeding process is...well.. sort of amazing. While a part of me is grossed out by it, the other part is morbidly fascinated watching as his jaws unhinge and he swallows what doesn't seem possible.

We usually buy these "pinkies" from the pet store. They come frozen and we keep them in the freezer and thaw them out as needed or rather Andrew does that part. Recently though I have been having a hard time getting them. The pet store keeps promising to get them in but then when they do they can only spare one or two.

So today I bought a female hamster...to cohabitate with our male hamster. I figure if they fall in love, get married and start raising a family, they should be able to keep us in gourmet snake meals.

I was the little girl who rescued and tried to save every hurt or injured animal, reptile, bird or insect growing up. I was constantly driving my Mom crazy with all the animals I was looking after. I am now reduced to a murdering baby snatcher. I am trying to console myself with the fact that they are just rodents, right?

The things we do for our kids. I really have come a long way....

My thoughts

2006-10-28T10:26:00.000-03:00

I realize why they only give you 6 rounds of chemo...because no matter how willing you might be to do more, your body just can't take it. All the skin on the inside of my mouth is gone and I am spitting up blood because my throat is raw, I am weak and lethargic and ache all over, my head is pounding, the heartburn and indigestion is almost unbearable, my stomach muscles hurt from the nausea and cramping....my body just won't "bounce" back like it used to and its over a week later.

But after having said all that it was so worth it. I am done and I learned and grew so much through this experience. I can say I have been a Christian all my life but have I always put the Lord first in my life? I can honestly say no. We are selfish creatures and we want our own way in life which is not always His way.

Some people have asked me how I got through this and will continue to get through this. Well, I have some wonderful family and amazing friends, I have really good doctors and lots of support and help but mostly it is the inner strength and faith I have that only comes from God.
He carried me through this. He gave me the strength.

A group of ladies from church are reading the books of John. I got alot out of 1 John and 2 John was short and to the point. But when I started reading 3 John it hit me...
"Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth." 3 John verse 2

He doesn't just want my physical body healed but my spiritual being as well. When everything that we think is important and all the distractions in life are stripped away, what do you see? Because in the end its just you and Him.

6 Down, None to Go!!!!

2006-10-20T23:32:00.000-03:00

Chemo number 6 is completed and that's it....I'm all done!!! I know everyone is cheering and I really would like to, but you need to give me a couple days to feel a little more up to the whole Yippee thing. Then I will be dancing all over the place knowing that there is no number 7!!

Everything went well today. The boys were really good but it was a long day for them. They revived somewhat when we made a side trip to Toys R Us on the way home. It's amazing how that works.

I have absolutley no vanity or pride any more so I am going to tell you this story because with my sense of humor (and the drugs in my system) I think it's hilarious. Those of you who know me well know that I can burp with the best of them at any time but I'm not much of a "tooter" (that's the only other word we use in our house besides fluff). Chemo tends to make you very, very gassy. You have no idea, I'm talking gas...I am typing this laughing my head off. Well, there are times that "it" seems to go on forever and the boys look at me with this amazed, shocked, horrified, unbelievable look on they're faces. I innocently look at them and simply say excuse me but don't blame me it's the chemo! Geoffrey has gotten to the point where he looks at me so compassionately and sweetly and says, it's okay Mom it's the chemo right? Andrew, my cynical and questioning one, on the other hand is starting to think I'm just using that as an excuse. So today, while we are waiting for "Mr. Serious and Down to Business Dr. Younis" to come in, Andew tells me he is going to ask him if it really is the chemo or am I lying! Randy and I quickly and quietly tell him that it would not be a good idea (especially if he enjoys life the way it is now!!). Part of me was laughing inside at what that kid comes up with and the other part was a total wreck waiting for him to blurt that out to the Dr. despite our dire warnings.

Common sense prevailed on the part of my son and the planned trip to Toys R Us was fulfilled!!!

As you can probably tell the drugs are running thick and freely through my system so it is time to shut up. I am tired and nauseated so it is off to bed. Love to all.

Tell me why.....

2006-10-18T13:50:00.000-03:00

Well I have nothing profound to say today, no funny stories or cute things the kids did. But I do have a question....why do some bloggers put those "type in the crazy letters" word verification thingy before you can leave a comment? And you all know who you are! Is it just to drive us crazy? I really can see no point to it. I'm sure some of you blogging gurus could provide a perfectly good explanation but really, is it necessary? There are times that I think twice about leaving a comment because I know I will have to go through the process of the word verification. Not only that but some people have two of them!!!! What is that about? Okay, glad I got that off my chest.

Self Breast Exam

2006-10-17T20:04:00.000-03:00

I just finished reading an article about a 17 year old who had a breast removed due to breast cancer. 17!!!! While this is not the "norm" it just shows that this disease is affecting younger and younger women.

Alot of breast cancers now are estrogen driven or what they call estrogen receptive. Meaning estrogen that our body normally produces feeds these particular types of cancer. I was told that I probably had the cancer cells in my body for a long time but when I had Sara three years ago, the surge of hormones activated and feed the cells causing them to grow into the resulting tumor. So I personally feel that women during the child bearing years should be more aware of this and be checking for anything unusual.

Anne, your family doctor should be able to show you how to do a proper breast exam. He or she should also have a booklet or guide showing you how to do your own. My doc has cards that hang on your door knob (great for the bathroom) with diagrams showing you what to do step by step. Most pharmacys now have a section with free booklets on different diseases and guides for doing self breast exams. Don't forget to check your underarm, which is where my lump was, or your side down by your ribs. If you can't find anything, let me know and I would be more than happy to send you something.

Cheryl, now that you have done an exam, when is your mammogram appointment? I couldn't book one myself but once your turn 40 you don't need a doctor's referral. Just call the Valley Regional breast screening clinic and make your own appointment. It usually takes months so you have plenty of time to psych yourself up for it. I'll even go with you if you want some moral support.

Penny, I'm assuming your mammogram results were okay? Sometimes we have to push these things along. Good for you!

Hip Hip Horay for all of you doing your breast exams!!!

Have you checked this month?

2006-10-16T16:45:00.000-03:00

As most of you know October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. With all the publicity it brings it to the forfront moreso than any other time. So how many of you have done your breast exam this month? Or any other month for that matter? I was one of those people who never did breast exams. I had no family history, never smoke or drank, had normal periods, breast feed all three kids, was healthy, only in my thirties and besides, my boobs were kind of lumpy anyway...how would I be able to tell what was normal or not!?

When I found my lump (thats right, I found it) sort of by accident, I put off going to the doctor for a few months. When I finally went, my doctor didn't think it was anything to worry about and told me to wait a couple months to see if it went away. When I returned a few months later she still thought it was okay. At this point I was starting to become concerned and I had to "push" to get some testing done. All those months wasted because I didn't fit the description of who should have breast cancer.

1 in 229 women in their thirties will develop breast cancer. Wow! This is not just an "older" woman's disease. Over 80% of women with breast cancer have no family history! We are told that you only need to be concerned if there is breast cancer on your mother's side of the family. My surgeon told me that further studies and gene testing are beginning to show that "any cancer on either side of the family" is a indicator of an increase risk of breast cancer. My father's sister died of breast cancer and while that doesn't make me high risk, if I had of know of that connection I might have been more vigilant in checking and following up on anything unusual.

So if you would like to do something for me...please take the time to do a self breast exam. And if you don't want to do it for me, do it for yourself and your family. If you are not sure of what you are feeling, go have your doctor check it out. And if you are still not happy, INSIST on further testing. A mammogram really isn't that bad. Get your yearly pap smear and breast exam from your doctor. I would rather feel foolish for running to the doctor than feel sick from chemo!

Radiation Appointment

2006-10-14T16:02:00.000-03:00

I met with my Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Maureen Nolan, yesterday. She is a sweetie with a great sense of humor. I was able to persuede her to start my radiation on November 20 so I can still go on my scrapbook weekend (10-12) and our little trip to Pennsylvania (13-19).

The Study Results........

When you have less then 3 lymph nodes with cancer they only radiate that breast and the treatments lasts for 4 weeks. This is the course that I normally would have had. However they currently have a research study going on in Canada, the US, Australia and New Zealand, which is trying to prove that radiation to the lymph area or underarm (as well as the breast) would also be beneficial and reduce the chance of the cancer returning to that breast, bones or other organs.

Due to many factors, I am an ideal candidate for participation in this study (there are only 25-30 woman allowed from our area). The hesitation on my part was because the study meant having radiation for 6 weeks verses the normal 4, plus the fact that the study is broken into two treatment groups, the standard (breast only) and the regional radiation (breast and lymph area). I had a 50/50 chance of getting in the "good" group.

After much thought, discussion and prayer I decided to go in the study. If this is my chance to beat this thing I wanted every possible treatment option available.

Well....I found out yesterday that I got the standard group. I have to say I am somewhat disappointed. You are chosen randomly by computer so there is not even a "person" I could bribe to get me in (just kidding).

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding...." Proverbs 3:5. My favorite verse. While it doesn't seem fair, I have to believe that there is a reason...maybe someone needs that additinal treatment more than me. So I have to let it go.

I thought about pulling out of the study because really who wants to go for 6 weeks when I can get the exact same treatment in 4!! But I have decided to stay in for 2 reasons: somebody has to be in that group. The study would be worthless if everyone backed out of the control group. So hopefully at some point in time every women will be able to have the additional treatment. The 2nd reason is because regardless of which group you are in they do a pretty intensive 5 year followup...xrays, exams, bloodwork, etc. If you read my previous blog you would know that if I wasn't in this study, once my treatments are done, except for a yearly mammogram, thats it.

So I had a 45 minute CAT scan which helped them "line me up" and tatto me for the radiation treatments. The 7 tattos are about the size of a small mole and as the Radiation Tech said yesterday, they are the kind you get in prison, dab on the ink and stick you with a needle. Kinda cool! Its a good thing I don't have a needle phobia because this whole entire process would have been a nightmare.

I can expect fatique and energy loss, irritated and red skin (like a sunburn), soreness in the chest area and possible cough and shortness of breath. Sounds like a walk in the part after chemo! I will have 29 treatments, 5 days a week for appoximately 6 weeks. This will all take place in Halifax since there are only 2 machines in Nova Scotia (the other one is in Cape Breton) and takes about a 1/2 start to finish. My dear, sweet husband wants to drive in everyday...1 1/2 hours, each way!!! He wants to be there for everything but my good sense may prevail as I am working out a schedule with the Rad. Tech. Maybe work it so I can have one late on Monday and one early on Tuesday so I can stay overnight at Mom and Dad's. If I did that once or twice in the week than the travelling might not be so bad and I can bring Sara up to Mom's with me. I'll let you know how it works out.

Love to everyone.

My Revelation

2006-10-12T14:08:00.000-03:00

I am going to try to tell this without offending anyone because that truly is not my intention. I just experienced my own personal revelation and wanted to share it.

I grew up in a Pentecostal church which was very charismatic. You know the kind that has 2 hour services, lots of musical instruments, hand clapping and lifting during praise and worship, lots of chorus singing and yes, even dancing at times.

So when we started at Weston Christian Fellowship it was quite a change for us. There were many reasons why we stayed and continue to do so: Initially Randy felt we should support our local church, the bible teaching is like nothing I have found anywhere else and the people that make up the church are phenomenal. The church has a real welcoming presence and we were made to feel like we belonged right away.

But....I always felt like I was missing out on something. Especially when it came time for the singing. We only used the piano and only spent a couple of minutes only singing a couple of songs. I really missed the praise and worship time I remember from the church I grew up in. Despite how much I love Weston, the preaching and the people, I was filled with a sort of discontentment. I always felt like if the church had this or that it would be so much better.

This weekend we went to church with Mom and Dad. It is a beautiful Pentecostal church with a wonderful bunch of people. They had a rip roaring praise and worship service and a nice thanksgiving message and communion. I should have been in my element right? Wrong.

While I was sitting there in the middle of the worship part of the service I realized this wasn't what I was longing for. I didn't need all the hoopla and emotionalism. I had exactly what I needed at Weston! I realized I love the evening service where Ken Kaiser chooses people from the congregation to pick their favorite song from the hymn book to sing (lots of them I don't know because we mostly sang chorus' growing up but I LOVE these beautiful hymns), I love the fact that we only have the piano so I can hear the beautiful voices singing, I love that they have a wonderful Sunday School and Awana program for my kids and I love the amazing teaching we are getting from Pastor Gary.

I can't describe the feeling that came over me at that moment but I felt that feeling of discontent leave and peace fill the space. I know Weston is not perfect but as the saying goes...the grass is not always greener on the other side. I know without a doubt that I am where I should be and now I am enjoying every moment of it.

The secret is out!

2006-10-11T11:05:00.001-03:00

I haven't been on the computer for many days so it has taken me most of the morning to catch up on all the blogs. I have a certain order I read them in and Charmin's is before Cheryl's. Well, when I read Charmin's blog about Cheryl's scrapbook idea for me I had to jump ahead to read Cheryl's and find out what it was all about (and I really don't like going out of order, ha, ha).

If the scrapbook was a secret...whoops, its out. I didn't know if I should say anything or not...pretend I didn't know about it which I could do because I am blond...but really, it is on the world wide web so even that would be a stretch for me. I have to say I was so totally blown away by it. I have tears in my eyes and am so overwhelmed just thinking about what you guys are doing for me. I have been scrapbooking for probably 6 years and nobody has ever made one for me. I feel so unworthy and at the same time so incredibly grateful and blessed to have such wonderful friends.

A Pickin we will go...

2006-10-11T09:54:00.000-03:00

Monday morning we headed to Willowbank farms for our annual apple and pumpkin picking. We picked some Gravensteins, Cortlands and MacIntosh. I have some baking to do!!!!

Sadly, there were no pumpkins in the patch ( I missed some good photos!). He lost most of them to the rainy season this summer. He did have some for sale in the barn and the kids were just as happy choosing from those (not as good photos wise). Of course the boys picked the biggest ones they could find. Geoffrey is all excited about the amount of "guts" that is going to be inside his. Gross!

It was so funny because in the morning when we got up it was chilly and crisp so we all dressed in sweaters and vests. You know, the perfect "fall" weather for apple picking. But by lunch time the temperature had gone up to 20 degrees and everyone was getting overheated. We had to go to Hennigars for ice cream to cool off. It turned out to be a beautiful "summer" day.

I think this round of chemo is a little better than the last one. I am dealing with a few new side effects but am doing okay overall. I am doing the count down to the last one.

Thanks for your card and note Penny. We'll have to try and get togther.

Hey Annette, how does my hat look?
I love it! The suede is perfect for fall and it is quite warm. Thanks a bunch. I am going to have the best collection of hats by the time this is all over with. Oh, and I love the matching mother/daughter Halloween scarves Yvonne. Thanks:0).

If any of you are in the valley, which you should be because the leaves are gorgeous, be sure to stop in for a visit. We'd love to see you.

Thanksgiving Weekend

2006-10-11T09:28:00.000-03:00

On Saturday we headed up to the city for Thanksgiving. That night we went to the bull riding event at the Winter Exhibition grounds. It was well worth the money as they put on a really awesome show for 2 1/2 hours. The boys loved it and are rethinking their career choices!!

Saturday we stayed overnight at Mom and Dad's. Mom was like a mother hen with her chicks home. She was so pleased to have us under her roof for the night. We went to their church with them in the morning. Everyone kept coming up and greeting us by name although we had no idea who they were. Many people said they were glad to have a face to the person who they have been praying for. They were all so friendly and welcoming.

We then headed to my brother, Derek and his wife, Kim's house. They (well mostly Derek) made a beautiful turkey dinner with more vegetables dishes then I can count. It was so nice to get together with family and enjoy a wonderful meal that I didn't have to make!! We all ate way too much but enjoyed every mouthful. The kids love seeing their cousins, Emma and Hilary but we all missed Christopher, who is away at Memorial University.

My only problem occurred that evening. Randy and I had tucked the kids into bed and were watching a little "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" when the hunger pains hit. The best part of thanksgiving is that late night turkey sandwich: turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, olives and ketchup...yum! But for the first time in many years I hadn't cooked a turkey so we had no leftovers!!! So we settled for a BLT. The next day I roasted one of our homegrown chickens and we had "fake" turkey sandwiches.

I am thankful for wonderful family, praying churches and lots of food.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad Mullen!!!!!

From the mouths of Babes!

2006-10-02T20:37:00.000-03:00

I was tucking Sara into bed last night and was getting ready to say prayers with her. I usually start and she repeats everything after me, but tonight she wanted to say them on her own.

I won't try to repeat it word for word but she prayed to "Dear Jesus" to make her "Mommy's boobie and her band aid (over the portocath) all better" and "help the Doctor make my Mommy better". This is not something that we normally prayed together but something that came from her understanding of the situation and straight from her heart...at only 3 years old!

I needed a whole lot of kleenex when I left her room!

Sometimes you just need a rainy day!

2006-10-02T19:59:00.000-03:00

I absolutley loved today. I got the boys off to school, Mom and Dad left with Sara for a sleepover at their house and I curled up in my electric blanket (yup, I'm still in my jammies!) and lazed around all day. I didn't feel guilty because, hey, it's raining out, that's what you do on a rainy day .

We got up Sunday morning to find one of the horse had gotten through the fence and was loose. Randy and I rounded him up and fixed the fence. Then we got ready and headed to church. By the end of the service I was wiped out. It doesn't seem to take much these days. Needless to say I slept the afternoon away.

I have to say I find day 3 and 4 after chemo a little rough. I am so pumped up on meds the first couple of days that I don't feel much of anything. By day 3 I am starting to reduce the meds and then I start getting more of the side effects. I'm learning not to push myself on those days but to just try to let it pass.

So that is pretty much the extent of my days....laze around and sleep. I am giving myself till Wednesday and then its back to normal for this chick. Maybe I'll have something a little more exciting to write about by then.

What a beautiful day to be alive!!

2006-09-30T10:51:00.000-03:00

The sun is shining (every now and then) and the air is crisp and cool...a perfect fall day.

I slept well last night and woke up this morning feeling okay. Let me clarify by saying I am not going to run a marathon but the nausea is managable and the headache is under control. Dr. Younis gave me a couple more prescriptions yesterday that are helping control some of the other side effects, so overall the outlook is good! I am going to be smart and not vacuum, dust or clean the bathrooms but just relax and enjoy the day. I am going to take one of the meals out of the freezer for supper that my wonderful friends have made and put my feet up. I might not even get dressed to day (gasp!). This takes some discipline on my part but the resulting good health is worth it.

I am not mortified today, maybe just surprised at myself for revealing a vulnerable moment to the whole world. I am not afraid of dying and I say that with all honesty because I know I go to be with my Lord and isn't that our ultimate goal ? I guess when they use the word "terminal" and tell you that this treatment is all they can do it knocks you for a loop. I feel I have unfinished business here on earth. My baby is only 3! I want to see my sweet boys grow up to be beautiful men! I want to see my children get married and hold my grandchildren! Grow old with my husband!

So I guess I have to trust in the Lord that that is His will too and have faith that if it is not, He will look after every thing. I don't mean to sound defeatist because I have always been a fighter. My name after all means warrior. But when your journey reveals a possible pathway you need to explore it and come to terms with it. Look everything in the face and say Lord whatever your will I am ready.

That is what I had to do last night. But have no fear wonderwoman is back today (I just have to laugh out loud at that!) and all is well with my soul. God is good in so many ways. He is the ultimate doctor and healer.

I had a good cry reading all your emails and comments and feel so blessed to have friends and family who are so supportive and caring. I can't tell you what a blessing it is to read them. Relationships and friendships are growing that may not otherwise have done so if not for this cancer and for that I am thankful.

October is a month to be thankful and I have so much to be thankful for!

Chemo # 5

2006-09-29T21:16:00.000-03:00

Well chemo number 5 is done!! My LAST and FINAL chemo is scheduled for October 20! This one went well except for the fact that my chart went MIA on route between my Ocologist appointment (1st floor) and the chemo pharmacy (11th floor), where they review my chart and prepare the chemo drugs, thus my chemo was delayed by 2 hours. No big deal, it eventually got sorted out. I have to confess that I am actually feeling physically okay at the moment so I am optimistic that this is going to be a good one.

I have a feeling this is going to be a "pour my heart out" rambling kind of blog because at the moment I an under the influence of some pretty serious drugs and I am feeling kind of down. Okay, I admitted it, but I can honestly say that it is very rare that I let this whole thing get me down. I am usually a very upbeat person who finds a weird sense of humour in most everything. I find it funny that people think I am some kind of wonderwoman going through this when I am just a mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, etc. doing what she needs to do. I don't see the point of moaning and complaining about something that is beyond my control.

I guess this is where the problem comes in. I admit it, I am somewhat of a control freak (oh, this is a night of revelations!). I am "controlling" this by learning and reading everything I can about breast cancer and treatments, etc. I want to be informed and know what is going on. I deal so much better when I know what to expect and today I was blind sided by something I should have known. Maybe I knew and just didn't process it. I am a literal person so if you beat around the bush or try the subtle approach I probably won't get it (maybe that is a blonde thing, teehee) so if it wasn't in plain english I might have missed it.

I met with the lady leading the radiation study I am considering. She went over the consent form and study guidelines. She outlined the followup protocol which includes measurements of my arms, bloodwork, xrays and mammagrams over a 5 year period. It got me to thinking about the fact that once all my treatments are over there is no more testing. I have had CAT scans, bone scans and every kind of xray going to rule out cancer in other parts of my body. This confirms that the breast cancer is the only detectable tumor and the primary cancer site. But once every thing is done they don't followup with any of these tests to see if there is a reoccurance anywhere within the "five year" cancer free mark!

You see the cancer could be there now but on the microscopic level hence the chemothereapy to provide a systemic treatment to my whole body. But because of the type of cancer I have they have given me a 25% chance of reoccurance. Meaning I have a 1 in 4 chance the chemo won't work and these cancer cells could grow somewhere else in my body. It usually goes to the best blood source, the liver, bones, brain or lungs. I have always said that if that happens, well it's just another hurdle and we will fight that too. So today I asked my Oncologist if they don't do any testing how will they know if it comes back, other than any symtoms I might experience? I mean, its best to find these things early right?

His answer is what floored me....if it comes back, it doesn't matter if they find it one month or 3 months later, the result is the same, it is terminal!

Whoo, where is that in all the books I read. Did everyone know this but me! But wait, it's okay, because sometimes they can help women with metastic cancer live 10 or 15 years (this is said with a great deal of sarcasim on my part!). You know, if I was 70 or 80 this would fill me with a sense of relief but at 38 I'm not feeling it.

They can help me with any cancer side effects I might have, like pain, but there is no further treatment available. The reason makes sense once he explained it to me. Once cancer spreads to another area, like the bones, it doesn't become bone cancer, it is still breast cancer. If they biopsy the bone, it contains breast tissue and breast cancer cells not bone cancer cells. Bone cancer is not just because it is located in the bone it is because it is a totally different kind of cancer. So it won't respond to bone cancer treatment because it is still breast cancer. Right now they are hitting me with their best...or worse...stuff and if it doesn't work now at the microscopic stage it's not going to. Does that all make sense? I find it fascinating but I always loved biology and stuff like that. I just wish it wasn't my body it was happening to.

So if I had been prepared for his answer I might not be having such a hard time with the answer. While I am trying to get my "head around it" my heart is telling me to have faith. To not lean on what the doctors or my head is saying but on what Jesus teaches me. So I need to go pray and find comfort in the Lord because no matter how wonderful everyone in my life is, noone and nothing can provide what the Lord can.

"Do not worry about anything; instead pray about everything." Phil 4:6 (thanks for the verse, Annette :o) I needed it tonight).

I'm sure I am going to be mortified tomorrow when I am feeling more like myself and I read this but for now it has helped a little to ramble.
Love to all for your support and prayers.

Happy Birthday to Sara!!

2006-09-28T14:59:00.000-03:00

Well, our little baby turns 3 today (7:32 pm to be precise!). The time flies by so fast. Someone reminded me on her birthday that it is only 2 years before she starts school....my heart still races when I think about that. Before long she'll be a teenager!!!

For several weeks before her birthday she kept telling everyone she was having a pony party. While this was not what I had planned she was very persistant. She wasn't really able to tell me what a pony party entailed but she was quite sure about the pony cake. So a pony cake it was, along with pin the tail on the donkey, Polly Pocket pony, My Little pony, Barbie pony and of course, a real pony (or horse) ride with her best bud Mackenzie. She seemed thrilled with everything so I think I lived up to the pony party expectations.

We had the acutal party on Sunday after church so we will just have a quiet mini party tonight to celebrate. A friend up the road, Jean, made a beautiful Lion King cake for her for tonight. Sara thinks her birthday is one week long event as she has been getting gifts just about every day. She is heading down to her Nana's house tomorrow so the party will just continue on into the weekend!

While she may not have been planned by us, she is a true blessing from the Lord. That was definitely a time when the Lord knew better than we did what we needed in our lives. She continues to bring joy to us everyday. Happy Birthday Sweet Pea!!

A little side note: My bloodwork came back okay. Prayer works!!Kentville is a little concerned about the cold and thinks Halifax may not proceed with my chemo. Whats my favorite saying..."Don't tell God how big your mountain is, tell that mountain how big your God is."

It was bound to happen!

2006-09-27T19:03:00.000-03:00

Last week Sara came down with a cold. I was very careful to wash all of our hands constantly, not drink from the same glasses, no lip kissing, etc.

Well it didn't work. I have been fighting a sinus cold since Sunday. I had a couple of really miserable days but I think I am starting to turn the corner. I took it easy today and am feeling a little better. Those Advil liquid gels for colds are wonderful. Sara still has a bit of a runny nose but is doing great.

I go for bloodwork tomorrow so say a little prayer that my counts are not too low from fighting this cold. They usually call me within 2 hours with the results so I'll have an idea of whats going on then. I am hoping most of the symptoms will be gone by Friday as they won't do my chemo if I am sick or my counts are too low. While I don't really enjoy the chemo, I don't want it postponed. Its just putting off the inevitable.

I see the Radiation Oncologist on October 13. They will do a CAT scan and tatto the markings in preparation for the radiation treatments. I always said I would never get a tatto but I am about to get 4-7 of them on my chest area. Granted they are only the size of moles so I guess I can live with them. Maybe they could do them in the shape of a ladybug!

My good friend, Leanne, sent me a beautiful card with this scripture verse inside...

"...We can be sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Romans 8:28

AMEN!

Guess who's another year older?

2006-09-26T07:32:00.000-03:00

Happy Birthday Kim! Have a great day. Love ya!

For Rhea....

2006-09-22T20:16:00.000-03:00

The "Too Much Fun" letter project gang!!!

Group Shot

2006-09-22T16:09:00.000-03:00

The Teal House Reunion!

2006-09-22T15:51:00.000-03:00

I drove down to Hubbards today to have lunch at the Trellis Cafe (my former competition across the street) with the ladies who worked with me at The Teal House, most them for seven years. They did more than work with me...they ran the place!! And were more than just employees...but good and dear friends.

I am ashamed to say that we haven't seen each other for over a year. We've kept in touch via email, Canada Post and Aliant but have not physically seen each other. There is no excuse for that so I'm not even going to try. All is can say is that the "cancer thing" prompted this visit and for that I am grateful. It makes you evaluate whats important in life and promts you to take action instead of putting things off.

We had a wonderful visit, catching up on all the news and gossip and looking at photos. We said we would get together again before Christmas and I am vowing to do just that!!

Thanks Yvonne, Jenny, Vicki, Gail, Rose and Corinne for a great time.
I love you guys!!!

Too Much Fun!

2006-09-22T15:39:00.000-03:00

This is my Too Much Fun project. You use Mod Podge to adhere scrapbook paper to wooden letters and then decorate with photos and embellishments. Not bad for my first try...I can't wait to try some Christmas letters....JOY or NOEL!! This might be a good gift idea...mmm!

We had a great group that evening, Rhea does a super teaching job and it was a really fun night out. Sorry I don't have the group shot, Rhea, Kelsey hasn't brought her camera down yet. Stay tuned!

Finally...

2006-09-20T10:52:00.000-03:00

Finally, here are some photos of our spur of the moment trip to Brier Island.

This is the long trail down to see the famous Balancing Rock on Long Island.

You walk this long trail through the woods then reach these wooden stairs. There are 243 stairs down to the rocky coastline.

Notice to the left of us the long, narrow rock barely balancing on the small rock underneath it. The coastline is breathtaking and we saw a group or pod of dolphins jumping and playing just in front of us.

On Brier Island near Seal Cove the boys left their mark...an inuikshuk (sp?).

If you ever get the chance, take a trip there. There are no tourist things to do but lots of hiking trails, rocky and sandy beaches and cool things to see. The kids are planning another trip next year.

My Frame Project

2006-09-20T10:37:00.000-03:00

I am so pleased with how this turned out. What cute kids I have!!!

My Back Door

2006-09-20T10:07:00.000-03:00

Last week the weather turned cold. I dug out sweaters and all my fall decorations and flags. I took down my summer wreath and hung my autumn wreath up and got my back door all ready for fall. I admired the changing colors of the leaves on the trees and the brisk chill in the air.

Well yesterday (and today) I had to get my sleeveless t shirts and shorts back out because it is blazing hot. Whats going on? Not that I'm complaining because I quite like the warmth but its a little confusing...thats Nova Scotia for you.

I made my husband a big batch of mustard pickles yesterday. It was truly a labor of love because I don't like them and can barely stand the smell of them. Plus I sliced my thumb while cutting the onions...which I don't like either...and it bleed something fierce as a result of my low plateletts. I know he will enjoy every bite so I guess it was worth it.
Sara has developed a taste for them too so both her and her Daddy will be in pickle heaven.

I am going to a class at the scrapbooking store "Too Much Fun" tonight and I am so excited. We are going to decorate big wooden letters with scrapbook paper and embellishments. I am doing the word HOME. Kim W. , Kelsey and I are having a girls night out with supper and then the class. We booked this several months ago and I can't believe the class night is here already. The days are slipping by so quickly. Christmas is going to be here before we know it.

Last night Kim W. and I went to a "Stampin Up" party at Charmin's home. While it is great to make a card, order some more stamping supplies (woowhoo!) and eat some really good chocolate brownies....it is even better to get together with some great friends.

That is what I am thankful for today...good friends.

The Red Chest

2006-09-17T07:46:00.000-03:00

I was at Bargain Harley's the other day and got this little red chest and I just LOVE it. I have it sitting on my scrapbook table and get a little thrill everytime I look at it. Every now and then I get the best little treasures there. I want to do this room a country red, ok maybe not all the walls just one focal wall, so everytime I see something that might go with the "design scheme" I snatch it up.

Yesterday was a better day in the health department. While still having some nausea, indigestion and diarrhea I had more energy and felt more like myself. Today is even better!!! As Randy says, its mind over matter. I am looking forward to the next couple of weeks, Yippee!!

Congratulations to Marty and Shannon and family. The party was wonderful and your new house feels like a home already...very cozy, welcoming and full of love.

I hear the kids stirring so we are off to get ready for church. The kids are all excited to start their new Sunday School classes.

Erin, this ones for you!!!

2006-09-17T07:31:00.000-03:00

Erin wanted me to post a new blog and I don't have any new photos downloaded (too lazy) and I just couldn't think of anything right now but after talking to her yesterday I just thought I'd give her little 10 week belly something to look forward to. Yup thats me...3 years ago today...ready to burst!!! Wow, what a size...but great hair though! Erin, make sure you take belly photos each month. I didn't have any with the first two but Andrew took pictures with Sara and its a great record.

The Tree Frogs

2006-09-15T11:02:00.000-03:00

The boys are back in school and we are getting back into the routine again. There are not many things that I hate but homework is at the very top. The first week of school and Andrew has a book report due. I'm trying to find the positive I really am!!!!

This chemo was and continues to be the most challenging. I've had a much harder time bouncing back. A week later and I am still having nausea, weakness, diarrhea, headaches.....and just an overall yucky feeling. I was told that as the chemo goes on your body sometimes has a harder time dealing with it and getting back to normal. I am determined to feel better by this weekend!!! I just have to remember that I only have two more to go. The next one will be number 5...can you believe that. When you put things in perspective you can deal with anything.

Mom and I (with a little help from the kids) picked apples in our orchard yesterday so this morning I made and preserved cinnamon apple sauce. Let me just say that I didn't need to burn any candles today...the smell in the house was devine. I am going to pick up a ham for supper tonight...apple sauce and baked ham, yum. Add a scalloped potato or a mac and cheese and what a way to start the weedend.

I love this photo. I took individual photos of them too and they turned out really well. I bought a long black frame a long time ago that has four openings in it just waiting for the right photos. I think these might be the ones. I just wish I had of coordinated the outfits better but this was a spur-of-the-moment-up-in-the- tree kind of photo shoot. It couldn't be more real!

Chemo Update

2006-09-09T12:35:00.000-03:00

Just a quick blog to let you know all is well. Yesterday I had bloodwork done at 11:15, met with my Oncologist at 12:00 and had chemo at 2:30. He is pleased with my blood counts and agreed to reduce the Zofran which was originally 8ml, which he doubled to 16 last time and he reduced to 12 this time. It seems a more manageable dose. The headache and spaciness is a bit better but of course it means the nausea is a little more intense too. That's okay, its only for a short period of time and you kind of have to balance things off...nausea verses the loopiness. The best way to describe it is like having the flu so I am taking it easy this weekend and hope to be back at it Monday.

I have started to get some new hair growth but don't get excited yet, they said it was probably going to come out before the end of all this. My head just looks kind of weird right now (more so than usual). I have blotchy patches of dark stubble, some longer strands of really light new growth which is not growing straight up but kind of branching out wherever and little red bumps all over which they said is called something I can't spell but is basically similar to when you shave your legs or bikini line and get that bumpy rash. Its really attractive...I'm still going out bald though and hoping that I'm going to start a new hair trend or lack of hair trend.

Mom and Dad took Sara home with them this weekend and Derek and Kim have the boys. I am so blessed to have my family so willing to help out and the kids get so excited when they get to have sleepovers. They get spoiled rotten while they are away so no wonder they love going. Its not much fun at home for them when I am sick...they have to be quiet because I am resting so much and don't really understand why I can't do things. It gives me such peace of mind to know the kids are being cared for so well, I can just rest and get well for when they come back home.

Another period started so I have held off the menopause threat for another month, YEEHAW! Chemo and my period at the same time...sometimes life doesn't see fair but I AM NOT GOING TO COMPLAIN. I am blessed beyond and while sometimes I really need to search to find the good I know that He has a great plan.

Four down with two to go. Thank you for your prayers. While I admit I get a little sick to my stomach on chemo day, knowing what I am going to have to go through...I know I can do it...I have lots of strength with some in reserve and I am in this for the long haul :o) Bring it on....

The Flirt

2006-09-06T18:41:00.000-03:00

My cousin, Dianne and her husband Norm arrived for a quick visit from Ontario. They were on a sheep buying trip and made a detour to the valley. I haven't seen them for years and Sara has never seen them at all. We did a quick tour of the farm and then went to Wheaton's for lunch (thanks again Norm!). It was so good to have a visit with them and I can't wait till next summer for our family get together on PEI (Kim C., we have plans to make).

Sara, who is normally quite shy of men, took instantly to Norm and flirted outrageously with him. She was quite willing to go with him in his truck when they were leaving. Days later she is still talking about "Norman" and carrying around the plush pony he bought her. I can't wait to remind her of this, her first crush, when she is older.

Lets get crazy

2006-09-06T18:25:00.000-03:00

This is how crazy we are...Yesterday Randy took the day off work, we packed a picnic lunch and set off to take the kids to Upper Clements Park for the day...but wait...upon arrival UCP is closed for the season!!!!! So we went to the picnic grounds and ate our lunch and sulked for a bit.

Randy started looking thru the NS Tour Book and said he had an idea.
We started driving and two ferries later we ended up on Brier Island, spent the night at the beautiful lodge there and arrived home today. We had a wonderful time...saw whales breaching, hiked to Seal Cove and saw seals, walked the beach picking shells and rocks, hiked to see the Balancing Rock, (on Long Island), browsed some great little shops. I filled a whole photo card on my camera (200 pictures) and made some great memories. The kids are already talking about going back again.

The kids start school on Friday (I know, why Friday?) and I have my 4th chemo the same day, so this little surprise trip couldn't have been a better way to end the summer.

After the kids go to bed I'll post some photos. Oh, we had such a great time.

Waiting Again

2006-09-05T09:14:00.000-03:00

This is what Randy does alot...sits and waits for me. This is at the chemo centre during one of my treatments. He has gone to every Dr.'s appointment and consultation, scan and xray, surgery and followup, treatment and bloodwork. He keeps saying how great it is that we are getting to spend so much time together.

When you get married and say the words "in sickness and in health" you don't really know the full extent of what that might mean. He has been so supportive...he laughs and cries with me and looks after me when I'm sick (that's an amazing man who can clean up after you, yuk), we pray together and he holds my hand through everything. Like all marriages, ours has had its rocky times and I sometimes think that something like this could work either way...to pull you apart or bring you closer together. I told him once that he didn't sign up for this and this would be too much for some people to handle. He smiled and said its a good thing he's not some people. This man has stepped up to the plate and I couldn't love him more. I am seeing a new side of him and I am so proud of him.

The Lord has taken something awful and is making something wonderful!!!

And Randy loves me too...bald head and scars included!!!

The Princess and the frog

2006-09-05T09:01:00.000-03:00

In so many ways Sara is such a girlie girl...she loves makeup and nail polish, loves Barbies and Polly Pockets, loves feeding her babies, is always cuddling one of her dolls or her stuffed bunny, loves dressing up and SHOES!!! that girl has an addiction.
But give her a snake, worm or frog and she is in her element. She'll say, "Oh Mommy, isn't that chute (cute)!". She is right in there with the boys catching and holding. I caught this poor frog one day and she didn't want to let it go, course neither did the boys. He was well loved during the time we had him. Just look at his face, isn't he cute?!

More Digby Photos

2006-09-04T23:31:00.000-03:00

This is a great family shot but who is that person coming over the rocks....why does that always happen to me?

To keep me from having a complete heart attack, Randy kept Sara on his shoulders. Good idea!!
Do you see Lauren there by the railing? Ha Ha.

Digby Lighthouse

2006-09-04T23:12:00.000-03:00

I know it has been awhile since I posted anything, and believe me I've heard about it, but its really a good thing. It means I am feeling well and I'm running the roads or busy outside.Not stuck inside in bed or by the computer.

After taking Randy's sister's daughter, Lauren, to the Digby ferry terminal we went up to the lighthouse to watch the ferry leave. The kids waved and waved, sure that they saw Lauren up by the railing(?). They had a great time running over the rocks and checking out the little pools of water. I, on the other hand, suffered many panic attacks as they got too close...or even remotely near...the edge of the rock cliffs. I am getting worse as I get older I think because I have these irrational fears of the kids falling. I can't control their every move anymore (could I ever, ha) and they are just a little too adventuous for my liking. Despite my paranoia, I did manage to get some great photos.

It makes me a little sad to think that the end is near for all these fun summer time outings with the fall chill creeping into the air. But then I dig out my cinnamon, apple and pumpkin candles and set up my fall decorations and the exitement starts for the next season. That's why I love Nova Scotia. Oh, its fun to visit all those warm, exotic places but I would miss the drastic changes from one season to the next. While I will again complain about the long cold winter, I wouldn't change it for anything. This is home.

Being Thankful

2006-08-29T09:08:00.000-03:00

Okay, I wasn't going to use my blog to air any pet peeves that I might have but I feel I am left with no choice. If I hear one more person complain in my presence about their hair I will be forced to do something drastic. Its either too messy, too curly, too wild, too gray, too short, not the right color or style and it goes on and on. For someone without hair this is a little too much to take. So please, be thankful for every hair on your head. You never know when every last one of them will fall out.

A dear friend of mine, Margo, who is a breast cancer SURVIVOR
sent me this email which I LOVE. Please enjoy....

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror
and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

Well, she said, I think I'll braid my hair today. So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.

Hmm, she said, I think I'll part my hair down the middle today. So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.

Well, she said, Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail. So she did and had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.

YEAH!, she exclaimed, I don't have to fix my hair today!

So on that note, here are the top 3 reasons I am thankful for being BALD....

1. I can get ready so quick now...shower, dress, slap on some lipstick and I'm out the door. No more blowdrying and styling.

2. I am saving a ton of money on shampoo, hair spray, hairdressers, etc.

3. I can wear black all the time and not have to worry about loose blond hair on the back of my clothes.

Pick something that you may not be especially happy about and list 3 reasons why it is a good thing. It will make you look at whatever it is in a new light. And remember to appreciate your hair.

Its About Time

2006-08-27T17:19:00.000-03:00

I know, I've been a little deliquent in the blogging department. The first part of the past week we had the visitation and funeral for Dave in Cole Harbour. This was both exhausting physically and emotionally. He will be greatly missed.

We made a little overnight trip to Weymouth to pick up Sara who we were missing terribly. She had a wonderful time with Nana and Papa but was very happy to come home with us. She is planning her next sleepover...maybe Nanny and Grandad's...mmm, we'll see.

My Mom and Dad came down on Thursday and stayed over till Saturday night. We picked blueberries, went out to eat (great fish and chips at the Driftwood) and just had a relaxing visit. Dad loves our ride on mower and cut every possible section of grass on our 60 acres, ha ha.

Our pet snake shed his skin while we were gone during the week. You know what that means...he's growing. He has actually grown 2 inches since we got him. Maybe we need to cut down on his food consumption!

I'm feeling much better these past couple of days after my last chemo. I don't think I want the anti nausea medication increased again. While the nausea is bad enough the spacey feeling I think is worse. There are so many other side effects that are not so well know: mouth sores, bowl upset (yuk), fatigue, aches and pains, sentivities (ie sunlight), headaches, etc.. One medication makes you constipated and then another makes you have diarrhea...so sometimes you bounce back and forth between the two. How exciting is that? Well enough about my bowl movements.

Remember...don't tell God how big your mountain is, tell that mountain how big your God is.

For Dave

2006-08-21T00:27:00.000-03:00

Dave Mosher came to work for us over 15 year ago when Randy started his business. He has been with us through thick and thin and all the ups and downs a contruction business goes through. He was loyal, trustworthy and a support to Randy. He always had a smile on his face, a joke to tell or a great fishing tale. He was one of those people who laughed easily. He was more than just an employee, he was like family. At only 49 years old, Dave took a massive heart attack yesterday morning and died. It was a shock and the loss of such a great guy is just hitting us. He will be missed more than he could possibly imagine.

I would ask that you pray for strength and comfort for his wife and two teenage kids as they deal with the loss of they're husband and father.

Chemo Day

2006-08-21T00:03:00.000-03:00

My Oncologist was happy that my "counts" came back up and so far I don't have to go on the immune drug therapy. He is still going to continue having my blood checked every 10 days which is not the usually procedure but cautionary on his part. He did increase the Zofran, which is one of 3 anti-nausea drugs I am on. My nurse said he doubled the dosage that is given via my portocath
prior to the chemo drugs. He felt that I was still dealing with too much nausea, etc. It did help the nausea but has left me feeling kind of loopy and spacey, like I'm in Lala land. Randy joked with me and said that it is not unlike the way I usually am. Good thing he just took me on a nice get away.

These are two of 5 vials that they inject manually into my portocath. Then I also get a drip bag of another drug. They put the Epirubicin and 5-Floracil in manually so they can ensure that it goes directly into my vein. If it leaks out into the tissue or muscle it will kill those cells. Hence the double gloves they wear to protect themselves. Since having the portocath put in the process takes less time then using an IV...probably about 1 1/2 hours.

Well I am half way there with only 3 more treatments to go. Your prayers are working...there have been no complications and I am "handling" things well. When I feel a little overwhelmed I know that is when the Lord steps in and is carrying me the rest of the way. Thank you
for the love, prayers and support that you continue to send my way.

Our Getaway

2006-08-20T23:28:00.000-03:00

We had a wonderful time...I can't begin to tell you how much we enjoyed ourselves or how much we really needed this little getaway. Randy had booked two nights at Liscombe Lodge but my chemo got moved up from 10:30 to 8:30 in the morning on Friday. There was no way we could do the 3 hour drive that day so we only stayed the one night at Liscombe and stayed in Halifax the 2nd night. When things don't alway turn out perfect you make lemonade with lemons or something like that. Anyway...it still turned out pretty good...we were together, away from everything...you can't ask for much more than that.

We went canoeing on the river, had a wonderful dinner Wednesday night at the lodge (where I wore my wig that night and then freaked them all the next morning when I went in to the breakfast buffet with just my bandana!!) and went to this gorgeous beach where I, in my element collected shells and sand dollars. We took our time driving back on Thursday and stopped at a few places along the way. Had a great dinner out at Applebees and spent a quiet night at the new Quality Inn in Halifax.

It was relaxing and helped us get away from everything that is going on even if it was just for a little while.

I have to thank the Gideons...after we got on our way I realized I had left my bible on the counter....how was I to do my Proverbs readings? There in the bedside table at Liscombe was the Gideons Bible...I sat out on the deck in the beautiful sunshine and
read my chapters.

I also have to thanks Annette for the delicious fruit and cheese tray...with chocolate truffles, she had delivered to our Chalet on the river. It was devine!!!

Thank you Randy for 16 wonderful years as your wife. Happy Anniversary!!!

The Purple Family

2006-08-16T08:27:00.000-03:00

This picture has nothing to do with my post, I just really like it!

The boys are away this week at Truth for Youth Bible camp in Blomidon. I miss them dearly but it has been very quiet and peaceful around here and they were so happy to go. Sara is leaving this morning to spend a few days at her Nana's house. She is so excited because he cousin Cameron is going to be there. They love playing Polly Pockets together and Nana is excited to have the girls to herself.

Randy booked a cottage at Liscombe Lodge for us so we are heading out too...Yippee. It is an early anniversary get away and with me feeling so good this week we thought we would take advantage..those days are sometimes few and far between. When you are nauseated and sick and feeling really bad it is exhilarating when you feel "healthy" again, if only for a little while. Maybe thats why you are so excited because you know you only a a few days before you will feel sick again.

We will head back to the city Friday morning for my 3rd and "halfway there" treatment. So for now I am cherishing every moment of the next few days. That doesn't sound right....I cherish every moment I am alive but I will especially cherish these days. Okay, I'll shut up now, I'm so giddy with excitement I'm rambling and not being coherant. Yeehaw!!!

Lemonade Anyone?

2006-08-15T09:22:00.000-03:00

A week or so ago the boys decided to set up a lemonade stand. They picked a good day...the cars were constantly coming to the raspberry upick across the road and the dump trucks were going steady beside the house hauling topsoil. They went through alot of lemonade and made a gross profit of $12.00! They looked so cute out there...so serious about their "business". I wasn't feeling great that day (it was just after chemo) so I was spending alot of time on the couch while trying to keep an eye on them. I was kind of dozing when they came in and put the can of money on the couch beside me with a note that said this money was for the doctors to help me get better. They didn't make the money for Rescue Heros or treats at the store but for me.

This makes up for all the times they were fighting like a bunch of wild things, sort of!!!

The Counts

2006-08-14T17:20:00.000-03:00

Everyone has been asking how I am feeling and this week I can honestly say has been GREAT. I feel wonderful with lots of energy and no symptoms (well, except for some nasty mouth sores which are chemo related). A bunch of you have been asking about my counts so I am putting them in a chart form so it should be easier to follow....

Hemoglobing- is a measurement of the oxygen being circulated by the red blood cells, if its low then you become anemic.
Platelets-help your blood to clot and slows down bleeding
White cells-there are different types of white cells but the main job is to fight infection and disease
Neutrophils-these are important as they are the "soldier" white cells that specifically fight infection

Date............Hemoglobin.....Plateletts.....White cells.....Neutrophils
normal range 120-160.........140-450.......4.0-11.0...........45%-76%

6/20.................118...................366.................7.9..............4.7 or 77%
(this was the day of chemo so pretty much everything is in normal range)

17/7..................................................................1.2
(I don't have all the figures for this round of bloodwork. My doctor called with the white cells because they were concerned because they were so low!)

21/7................ 106...................295................3.3................. .4 or 6%
(This was during a viral infection I had gotten and my neutrophils were pretty much non existant because they were working harder then they could keep up but if you notice my white cells are going up, yeehaw)

28/7...............107.....................448..............6.1....................3.4 or 56%
(this was just before my 2nd round of chemo)

8/8..................93.....................266..............1.9.....................1.8 or 30%
(everything is low again but as long as I don't get sick it should be okay! My hemoglobing continues to drop and never really bounces back so that accounts for me being so tired)

Initially my Oncologist nurse said I should keep track of this information and I thought to myself why should I care as long as my Doctor knows. Now that I am into the chemo I realize how important it is for me to know what is going on. Sometimes the info doesn't get sent to say my surgeon or family doctor and if I have it I can pass it along. It also helps me understand what they are talking about when they start throwing numbers around. So now you know what I'm talking about.

My Man

2006-08-14T10:30:00.000-03:00

Sorry this picture was suppose to go with the previous blog.

He Grounds Me

2006-08-14T08:34:00.000-03:00

There are so many reasons why God gave us our husbands. As we were driving to the church picnic yesterday He revealed another one to me. Randy and I were discussing a conversation he had with a friend. They were talking about how there is good and bad in every situation and Randy made the point that with Jesus in our lives we should only see the good in everything. I agreed and then laughingly asked him to tell me the good in having cancer. Okay, this is where I get goosesbumps....he looked at me and said how many times have you prayed and said Jesus use me and your will be done. He reminded me how much stronger our marriage has become, how many friendships have been renewed, grown or strengthened, how are families have become united, how many people we have witnessed to, how much more we have turned to the Lord in prayer and the bible...and these are only some of the things we know about, I'm sure the list goes on. All this since being diagnosed with Cancer...something that is not of God but is being used by God. I believe in God's ability to heal me (by his stripes we WERE healed) in His time but until then I pray He uses this for His glory. My husband has always been able to help me clear past the fog and see everything clearly. He grounds me and helps keep me focused on whats real and important. I just love that man!!

The Monsta

2006-08-14T08:22:00.000-03:00

As we were getting ready for church yesterday morning Andrew came into our room for something so I asked him to zip up the back of my dress. I had gotten this cute, red dress at Frenchies and had finally gotten it dry cleaned and was wearing it for the first time. After he zipped me I turned around to show him. He looked at me very critically and told me he thought I should wear my wig with my outfit. It didn't look that great with the bald look!!! If you ever want the truth, ask Andrew.

So on went the wig. While Andrew was pleased with the result, little Miss. Sara was not. She told me it was scary and I looked like a "monsta". All I could do was laugh everytime she looked at me. During church at one point I felt a little tug on the back of the wig and turned and she was trying to pull it off my head!! Needless to say the people behind us were being kept entertained by Miss. Sara.

Off or On?

2006-08-11T00:00:00.000-03:00

The kids and I drove into Lower Sackville this morning and met Mom, Dad and my Great Aunt Mary at McDonalds for lunch. Sara was so excited because they had Polly Pockets in the kids meal. We went back to Mom and Dad's for a little visit and they kept the kids while I headed into Mic Mac Mall in Dartmouth. There is a lady at the Head Shop who specializes in cutting wigs. She was great and did a wonderful job on the wig. Randy loves it and thinks it looks just like real hair. I'm not convinced...I guess because its on my head and it feels like a wig. Anyway I guess its nice to have it for special occassions but I'm okay bald or with a bandana. Anyway afterward I met Randy at Swiss Chalet for supper and then back to the kids. We left Mom and Dad's and arrived home at 9:00pm. Any other time a day like that would be no big deal but right now I am exhausted ( you can tell in the pictures Andrew took). Except for being tired it was a wonderful day. I'm off to snuggle in bed and read my Proverbs chapter.

**Does it look like I've typed in different size fonts or am I more tired than I thought?

Courtney's Cupcakes

2006-08-10T03:10:00.000-03:00

Well our snake had his first visitor today. Sharon Benson came by this morning for a visit and brought a beautiful, homemade blueberry pie (I was planning on attaching a picture but there really wasn't much of the pie left tonight, yum!, Sharon, the crust was really good). She claims she is afraid of snakes but she bravely touched it (the snake) much to the delight of Andrew and Geoffrey. You have attained a new level of respect with the boys. We had a really nice visit and cup of tea...in a mug...sorry guys. Thanks so much Sharon.

Later this evening Courtney Lohnes dropped by with some snake and ladybug cupcakes. The kids loved them. I thought they were a hoot. Only Courtney would take the time to do such elaborate decorating to honor a snake. She even got the color and markings right...see I noticed. By the way, there were alot more cupcakes on the plate but by the time I got in the house to take a picture they had mysteriously disappeared. Must of been the snake! Thanks for everything Courtney!

I have been reading the Proverbs chapters in the NIV but I felt like I was missing something. So last night I got out my KJ version and started again from chapter 1 and reread the chapters and the beauty of the scriptures really hit me. I have set myself a goal to read each chapter and find one key verse that sort of sums up the meaning of that chapter or has meaning to my life. It has been really difficult because there have been so many that I have written down and want to memorize. My favorite all time verse... a verse I have stood on over and over again in my life...is still Proverbs 3:5-6.."Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." No matter what I faced in my life it always fit. It perfectly and clearly tells us what God expects of us...complete and utter trust in Him to quide our lives...to go to Him for guidance and direction. When I was first diagnosed I would pray and this verse would keep coming into my mind over and over again. I don't know why I got Cancer, I know it didn't come from God, but I am going to trust God that HIS WILL BE DONE no matter what the outcome. I'm not going to dwell on the whys or "whatifs" because its pointless, it doesn't make sense to me so I am going to acknowledge God in my life like I never have before and turn it all over to Him. Kathy Mollins loaned me a CD with this beautiful song and the words say, " No matter how long I am here on this earth, mold me and shape me and use me for your will." Amen!

The Newest Mullen

2006-08-08T22:29:00.000-03:00

This is the newest addition to the list of critters that live at Ladybug Farm. He is a Red Albino Cornsnake whose name changes daily and I think is currently named Viper. Andrew saved up his money and behaved himself (with not major incidents) for a month to earn permission to buy him. I know...its a snake...but there are going to be so many "no"s for these guys this year, with me being sick, that we decided that when we could...within reason...say "yes" we would. Snakes don't really bother me and he is very clean and very little work which is a bonus. The feeding is kind of gross but we won't get into that. The boys love to show him off so if you would like to visit him...come on over.

Don't look if your Squimish

2006-08-08T14:45:00.000-03:00

This is the portocath (portable catheter) site. This was after surgery so it looks much better now. It is a funnel shapes device with a gel like top and a long tube that is inserted into one of my main arteries. The whole thing is buried under my skin just below my collar bone hence the bump under the incision (and yes that is a hint of cleavage). Chemo is very hard on your veins (and every other part of your body) so it makes it difficult to get blood from them after awhile. Last time it took them 7 tries (2 in my hand, two in my elbow, two on the top of my feet and they finally got it from my ankle) because everytime the needles punctured the veins it would cause them to shrink or shrivel. Because of that I can not longer go to the regular blood clinic and have blood drawn. The portocath can only be accessed by trained nurses or a Doctor because of the risk of infection and the process they have to use, flushing it before and after, etc. The portocath allows them to directly access the artery to take out blood and insert the chemo so it is convenient for everyone. Today went very slick and it was very convenient to be able to go to the chemo clinic in Kentville verses travelling all the way to Halifax. The staff in there were great and called me with the results of the bloodwork this afternoon. My counts were low so I am just waiting to hear from my Oncologist to see if they are an "acceptable low" or if I have to go in to see him. I'll keep your posted.........

Happy Day

2006-08-08T08:47:00.000-03:00

Since we are all women here I am just going to say it...I started my period and I am so happy!!!Yippee. While most days when this happens I groan and suffer through the next few days as best I can, today is a day to rejoice. My Oncologist warned me that the chemo could put me into early menopause and all the nasty side effects that go with it....hot flashes, mood swings....something that at my age I was not looking forward to. So when my little friend showed up it brought me great joy. I will never complain about it again. I know I am not out of the woods yet since I have 4 more treatments to go but for now I am celebrating. God is good.

Well I am off to have bloodwork done. Between day 10 and 15 after chemo is when my blood counts drop so they want to know where they are since last time they went way too low. It is the first time Kentville is going to try to use my portocath so I will let you know how that goes. Say a prayer that the counts are within acceptable limits so I don't have to go on that drug therapy.

Lots a Jam

2006-08-07T15:46:00.000-03:00

First of all I want to say how much I enjoy your comments...they either make me cry or "hold my belly cause it hurts" laugh. Tracy, the crocs come in all kinds of funky colors...hot pink, tangerine, lime, and then some more traditional colors like navy and red. If you can't get the jibbets let me know and I'll pick you up some. Yes, another convert!!!
Ok, this is a photo of two of the grossest and largest caterpillars I have every seen. We have been on the internet trying to find out what kind they are but haven't been able to identify them yet. We are going to keep them and see if they form a cocoon and what they turn into. You can't really tell from the photo but the green one has these spikes coming from it that are blue, orange and yellow. The brown one has two sets of horns in the front and one large one on its tail. It has diagonal stripes on its body. If there are any insect experts out there who could tells us what these are you would make two little boys (and one frazzled mother) very happy.
I woke up this morning and breathed a sigh of relief...the nausea, fatigue and other nasty side effects were totally gone and I finally felt like myself. So I made jam. Lots and lots of jam. Strawberry (from our orchard), blueberry, plum (just picked this morning from our orchard) and strawberry-rhubarb. I don't know why but the idea just popped into my to make some jam. Maybe its all the homemade bread that people have been giving us that just screams to be smothered in homemade jam or that all last years homemade jam is long gone or that I really enjoy making jam. I don't know but I had a very enjoyable morning in the kitchen being domestic. The smell of all that fruit cooking was heavenly and hearing all those lids popping as the seals set gave me goosebumps. Life is good !

Comfort in God

2006-08-06T17:14:00.000-03:00

We had a special speaker in church this morning, Barry Speck. He is a missionary facing many obstacles. He spoke about what he does and then gave us the verse Luke 1:37..."For nothing is impossible with God". There is nothing God can't do..He can take care of everything "at His appointed time". I don't know about you but I find such comfort in that. When things sometimes get overwhelming for me I know that it isn't for God and that He is in control so I can let go. Barry said to have confidence that God will help you deal with whatever you have to deal with. There are so many unknowns I am facing right now but that is the one thing I can have total faith in...God is with me every step of the way!

The Bandana Gang

2006-08-06T17:06:00.000-03:00

I have a wig but ya know, it looks like a wig and it feels like a wig. So for now I am wearing hats but mostly scarves or kerchiefs or bandanas or whatever they are called. The kids love to wear them too. My biggest problem is...is it ears in or out? I don't really want to look like a smurf but it is more comfortable out and right now comfort is winning out. Maybe in the fall when it is cooler I'll opt for the wig. Right now I am having fun collecting different colored bandanas because it is all about accessorizing.......

2006-08-05T02:56:00.000-03:00

The Croc Craze
I was going to blog several other things today but I had to do the crocs and beat Kim (she's blue) to it. I resisted the croc craze for quite awhile because they really are ugly. There are several reasons I finally succumbed to the peer pressure and bought a pair in teal.
3 Reasons you need crocs:
1. They are really, really comfortable and light.
2. They are made in Canada, go figure!
3. They have these little charms called "jibbets" that you can put on them. I have the breast cancer ribbon, ladybug, flower and butterfly. And I really can't resist anything that you can accessorize.

2006-08-03T23:04:00.000-03:00

Did you ever have a photo that took you back to what you were feeling at that exact moment in time? This is one of those photos. While definitely not my favorite photo of myself it is nonetheless one of my favorite photos for the feelings it brings back. Randy had just shaved my hair. I had decided that when it started coming out from the chemo I was taking charge and shaving it off. It had been coming out in clumps for several days...I knew it was time...it had to be done. But no matter how much our hair drives us insane...it defines us, long or short, blonde or brunette, its part of who we are. Needless to say it was emotional for all of us and I shed a few tears as my hair fell into my lap. Geoffrey who is 7 and probably one of the most compassionate kids I know (and I'm not just saying that because he is mine!) put his arms around my neck, looked me in the eyes and told me he still thought I was beautiful and was going to keep his hair shaved as long as mine was gone. I will cherish and remember that moment for as long as I live and I am so glad I have this photo.

2006-08-03T08:36:00.000-03:00

I am new to this blogging thing. Thanks to Kim Wade I now have something else to be addicted to. I am currently going through chemo to fight Invasive Ductile Carcinoma- breast cancer. I usually send out emails with updates, test results, appointments, etc. which helps keep friends and family in the loop and I usually add some of my thoughts and feelings ...I have found it to be somewhat therapuetic since I don't keep a journal. Perhaps the blog is now the way to go.